MENTAL HYGIENE
Introduction
Living a happy life is a concrete choice. It is a choice which must be tended to on a daily basis, because happiness must be cultivated. We are responsible for our own happiness and nobody else is. These are a few statements worth thinking about. Indeed, happy people say they have chosen to be happy and claim full responsibility for it. They have made it a priority and a goal in their lives.
Their whole being tends towards it and they aspire to nothing else. This happiness is a lasting state, a balanced spirit and mood independent of exterior circumstances whether favourable or not.
It has nothing to do with satisfying desires, which provides us with temporary pleasures but leaves us longing and unsatisfied in the end.
To Have or to Be
Let’s live happily today, no matter what becomes of us! This idea seems unlikely and may even be shocking, as it is so much at odds with our beliefs. It seems as though we learned that to be happy, we need to own this and that. Imagine telling the person we love or the money we have: “You are my happiness, and if I do not own you, I cannot be happy.” We are misguided in doing so. “To be motivated by possession is to find one’s sources outside oneself, therefore becoming dependent on things, people or events over which we have no control.” We are on the path to happiness when we begin to understand the meaning of our desires and what they are made of, instead of trying to satisfy them at all costs. What is their worth? Are these desires substitutes for other needs? Thus, what we believe to be an absolute necessity often becomes a sort of preference on which our happiness does not depend. There is no need to renounce possession, but we should know the difference between what is essential and what is not, and be able to distance ourselves from people, things and events.
Who Are the Happy People?
Happy people have always had certain characteristics in common, wherever they may live. In the early 80’s, author Robert Blondin met with 2000 happy people throughout the world. They shared certain characteristics to various degrees. Most of these people considered happiness to be a long progression giving meaning to life, despite the obstacles encountered along the way. These characteristics are not formulas or easy solutions, but rather landmarks and tools that must be adapted to our own lives.
Happy people are open to changes both big and small. They do not take things for granted and will readily change their inner views. They are curious about new things and their attitude towards the many changes affecting their lives is open, yet critical. This openness does not entail an unconditional approval of everything. It involves observing, understanding and sometimes accepting or refusing change, as well as sometimes accepting not to be able to refuse it. Thus, a balance must be found between the acceptance of things as they are, and the possibility of changing them. Families and people in difficulties are often unbending and closed when faced with change.
Modes of thought and attitudes are stifled. This lack of interior and exterior space and freedom eliminates any possibility of developing both the self and individuality, which is another common trait of happy people.
Leading a happy life is a choice that requires daily attention, because happiness must be cultivated. We are responsible for our own happiness.
Who Am I?
Learning to know ourselves, finding our identity and respecting our own differences is quite an ambitious project. Identity is above all a question of being different, and trying to minimize these differences would be regressive. Self-knowledge starts with paying special attention to ourselves.
That is not to say that we should be entirely self-absorbed all day long. We must pay attention to what happens within and around us, and we should avoid judging the things we discover. Little by little, we will distinguish all the different parts of our individuality, the ones we cherish as well as the darker ones. Then begin the very tangible processes of integration and acceptance that will enable us, over time, to sharpen our perceptions and to deepen the knowledge that we have of ourselves.
We know who we are, therefore we can find our own place and feel useful. We are unique, different from anybody else in our head, heart and body. Should this quest not be undertaken, we would need to seek in others what is lacking in ourselves, that is to say an identity and a place.
Being open to change and paying attention to ourselves enables us to act in a conscious and deliberate way while remaining close to ourselves. This type of action participates in creating a lifestyle that suits us. By being aware of everything that makes us what we are and by accepting these characteristics, we are able to assert ourselves. This is far removed from a passive attitude which is often associated with preconditioned and defensive reactions. Paradoxically, while conscious action is necessary, it is also important for us to be detached from the results of our actions. We should do things without worrying too much about them because, essentially, happiness does not depend on exterior conditions.
Happiness also means an ability to open up, to trust and let go. We should trust others, ourselves, events and life, and abandon our fears. So much energy is wasted on catastrophic scenarios that never materialize. What a pleasure it is to see what is here before us without being conditioned by the past or by any expectations of the future. A constant effort has to be made in order to live the present moment as it is and to prevent our usual ways of thinking from dragging us back into the endless repetition of similar experiences. “Here and now” does not eliminate the need to plan ahead. We should anticipate certain situations and not let fears and uncertainties guide us.
Being Attentive to Our Lives
Living for the moment also means learning to enjoy simple pleasures and fully savour the good things in life. It means living at our own pace and taking the time to see and listen. Why are we always rushing about? The simple pleasures of the senses are tremendously gratifying.
Leading a happy life may seem simple enough to some and impossibly difficult to others. We all have personal baggage containing useful tools for happiness and barriers to it. A thorough cleansing is necessary in order to reach happiness, and this requires time, patience and sometimes help. Family may help, as well as the economic and cultural context in which we live, but constraints and difficulties often help us as they make us question ourselves, enter within ourselves, leave the beaten paths and enjoy what we have.
We should keep in mind that happiness is not readily given to us. It needs to be sought after and cultivated. Aspiring to be happy is in itself meaningful. When were we happy? What were these moments made of? Does this correspond to our present conception of happiness? These are some references and landmarks which may help us.
Next week, we will dive into “Self-control and positive thinking”.
Your friendly neighbourhood Natural Health Practitioner
Carole
