This week’s blog is a chapter from my book: “This book is not for you – Purposely written for me, but may be life changing for you.”
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO MEAN?
I need to constantly reread this chapter, because I tend to get into situations where people will take advantage of me. Now, I know that I need to work on this one because I just made an affirmation and placed it in the Universe, thus this could happen to me just because I thought about it. Complicated? We’ll get into the more complicated later on. However, this book that I am writing is to give me the “how to not” get into those situations or to remove me from those situations without harm done.
There is a big difference between hurt and harm. Hurt means that it is hurting me at this moment. It is painful, but it can be made well with care. Harm is a little bit deeper. The harm can last for a very long time if let be. The worst harm that you can experience is the hurt that someone has done to you mentally and you feel the harm every time that you think about it, every time you see that person, and every time a similar situation happens.
Harm is what makes your mind go: “I don’t want to go there anymore”. Hurt is making your mind go: “Be careful next time not to do the same thing to hurt yourself”: Wear protective glasses, gloves or an apron. Harm is caused by reoccurring thoughts of the same scenario going on and on in your mind.
To break free from this, needs forgiveness. Some people are going to say: “I am not ever going to forgive that person. She is a vicious and unscrupulous person that only thinks about herself and she doesn’t deserve that I forgive her.” However, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that it needs to be towards that person but should be pointed towards you for allowing that person to have hurt you in the first place. It is only harmful when the feeling persists.
You can, if you want to, talk to that person and let her know that she has indeed hurt you. But sometimes, this can be more hurtful because that person may not believe that she has hurt you and will even aggravate the situation by telling you that you are a silly person to believe such a thing. That person can also really not care about what you have to say. So, if a person continuously hurts you, the best is to forgive yourself for allowing something like this to happen to you and move on. Distance yourself of that person if need be.
I always say, find people of same liking. Don’t try to change people or the world. Work on yourself and the rest will follow. There are over seven billion people on this planet. There are some good and some bad. Choose wisely.
Another person that I really enjoyed reading and listening to is Jim Rohn¹². Unfortunately, he left his physical body but his legacy stays. He used to say that in your entire life on earth you will only encounter about ten mean people. However, they do move around a lot, and you might bump into them more often than you want to, during the span of your lifetime … lol.
I have had many experiences with people taking advantage of my giving spirit. Giving makes me happy and makes me “FEEL GOOD” inside. What I need to be careful with is to whom I am giving, and make sure that the people that I am giving to are no leaches – people that only stick around to pick up every bread crumb. It might be a harsh definition, and I know that I shouldn’t be judging, however I need for you – and also I, because I am writing this book for my future – to get a clear picture.
We also need to know about the law of opposite. There is white and black. Darkness and light, and there will always be mean people and good people. Accept and move on. The only reason why there is a law of opposite, is for us to know the difference. You don’t need to stay in a bad situation. You can create a new situation any time. It will not be done in a day. It might take a long time, but it is doable. You have to have faith, hope, and love yourself more every day, and of course a plan that works, like this book for me.
Also, you need to understand that those mean people might be going through something right now that they do not understand themselves. Like I said before, everyone learns at his or her own pace. When you know about this, you can tell yourself that he or she is not where you are at, and let them be. Let them figure out what is wrong in their own picture. Don’t be the Joan of Arc and try to fix everyone’s problems. You have your own problems still to work on. This is not called selfishness. It is fixing you before trying to help others fix themselves.
In the Bible it says to “turn the other cheek”. It doesn’t mean that you need to let everyone walk over you. There is another part of the bible that says to “shake the dust off your feet and move on”. I like that one better.
I don’t know if you ever had a chance to watch a group of ducks swim peacefully on a lake. It is so serine, so beautiful. All of a sudden, for no apparent reason, two ducks will face each other and start honking at each other and get a bit physical as if one duck is saying to the other: “You are in my space, move on”. Right after the interaction, both ducks will turn away from each other and just flap their wings vigorously as if they are releasing the negative energy which just happened. We need to be more like these ducks. Flap your wings or dust your feet off. Two nice analogies that I cherish.
Nature is the best teacher. You can learn a lot just by watching your pet cat or dog. It gives you joy just by pathing them. They are always happy to see you. They hold no grudge. They are the best pals. However, we live in a society of very different people and we need to find a way to belong. To finally get to be okay with this, I needed to take some distance from everyone for a while and go very deep inside of myself and learn to get closer to people very slowly. I’ve seen myself sometimes taking one step at a time and other times taking a few steps back. The secret is to go at your own pace, and not at someone else’s suggestions. It is your life and you should be able to be the master of it.
Besides the goosebumps, there is another phenomenon that I have learned to trust. Some call it the gut feeling. If ever I get this reverse feeling in my solar plexus, I become like a cat that needs to re-examine the next few steps he had anticipated to take, however, it is now recalculating its moves.
We also need to understand that there are a lot of hurting units out there. And when someone is hurt, they also do hurtful things. I know that when I was hurt, I have done things that didn’t really help other people in my surroundings. With age we tend to become wiser and see patterns. This wisdom comes with the years of being into similar situations, I guess.
So, the next time you have someone being mean to you, just read these pages. It will definitively make you feel better. It’s all about “FEELING GOOD”. Remember?
I would also like to invite you to follow my free six-session FEEL GOOD webinar.
