Welcome to the world of the Refined Ones: an inborn need to be precise and exact in all that they do. Now, these people need their way of living as going on a train ride. The tracks are perfectly aligned to one another and there are no deviation between them. However, the Refined Ones will stop the train to make sure that it is going where it was planned to go or to deviate the trajectory to make sure that there are no mistakes in the journey. They are often confused with the Powerful Ones because they want everything done perfectly and will stop everything to fix a teeny weeny mistake. However, they do not desire control and they are often hurt when they are told that they are, and will feel insulted. On the other hand, if you accuse a Powerful Ones to be in control, they will smile and say: “That’s me!” However, Refined Ones are not in control. They want everything to be perfect and right, before they proceed. So, you might be waiting a very long time for them to accomplish something, because they cannot stand it when something is wrong. While Powerful Ones desire to be appreciated and Pleasurable Ones want to have fun and be noticed, Refined Ones want order and structure.
Because of that, they might use a lot of words to describe tiny little things that might not matter. They worry about small stuff and will ponder over facts of life to make sure that they find the right solution. They normally will use a magnifying glass to make sure that there are no imperfection. The can make details come alive because they are the most creative people you can find. You will find great artists, writers, poets, musicians, inventors, architects and technicians in this category. They are very sensitive people and will warm up to you if you speak the language that they long to hear. You might want to tell them that they are the “ideal” person for the job, because they are “sensitive”. They find the “right” solution for the problem. That they “feel” their way through situations. They will go to extreme “details” to accomplish something so that everything is “perfect”.
Unfortunately, their magnifying glass will find flaws, well, everywhere. Contrary to the Powerful Ones, when a Refined One tells you that you have done something wrong, it is not to bring about a flaw but mostly that they care about you and they don’t want you to be pointed out as a person that can’t do things right. They are such perfectionist that they will want to make sure that everything is perfect in the worst of chaotic situation.
The highly Refined Ones could be easily be misdiagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) since they want so much for everything to be perfect. The might fuss on clothes being color coded. They would never wear two socks of different color, they could go crazy on this. If a portrait on a wall is a little bit crocked, doesn’t matter where they are, they will want to line it up.
The Refined Ones are possibly the most misunderstood people in the world. Anyone around these people not understanding their needs could easily mess up their entire world.
When a Refined One is well understood they are the most faithful ones. They will persist to make sure everything will work out. They are idealistic, creative and organized. They are very thoughtful and will be there for anyone.
If there are not validated they can become to their worst. The will only remember negativity about a person or a situation. They will become moody, depressed. They will start feeling guilty and insecure around people. They will put too much time into planning something and will put their standards way too high.
Because they always seem to want to change things to make it perfect, sometimes they can be found to be tough and uncaring to others. Some might want to return the misunderstood favor and send negative messages and Refined Ones truly cannot handle this. They are the most sensitive people in the world. Refined Ones always get their feelings hurt by others and have a lot of difficulty to let those hurtful feeling go. Forgiveness is very hard for them, not because they are hard-headed but because they are very sensitive and it is a real struggle for them to go for it.
When a Refined Ones is wounded too deeply, he or she will turn their desire of perfection on themselves and are going to be very hard on themselves. You will see tremendous damage done to Refined Kids coming out of a divorce. They will blame everything onto them. Powerful Kids will push true it no problem. Pleasurable Kids will dismiss it and Peaceful Kids will make peace with their feelings. But Refined Kids take everything to heart, storing it all deeply in the vaults of their soul, hoping they can just keep everything locked away.
I might end this part a bit drastic, however it is what it is. What is important in the healing of this kind is to be aware of this. By being aware is the first step towards the healing. As hard as it can be, these people should open up to others and let them know what is bothering them and show them what makes them tick.
So in resume, Refined Ones want to get it right and their greatest need definitively is to be sensitive to their feelings. They need to go forward, yes. However, they need to know where they are going, when and how. They need to know everything. Their favorite job would be to put them into something that they would like to closely examine details. Their favorite language are the words “ideal”, “sensitive”, “right”, “feel”, and “details”.
At their best they are faithful, persistent, idealistic, creative, thoughtful, and organized.
At their worst, you better be ready to pick up the pieces because they are going to be remembered as being negative, moody, very depressed, they will feel guilty, put their standards to high and will be very insecure.
Next week, The Pleasurable Ones.
